It’s a year later and somehow still fresh in my mind as if it were as easily accessible as an episode of Call to Midwife. It’s when I learned how incredible the woman’s body is, how present the Holy Spirit in our times of greatest need and how absolutely pertinent trusting your care provider is: especially when you are vulnerable and dependent. 

I had weeks of prodromal labor, which I didn’t have with my first child so that really caught me off guard. I had imagined those nine months that my labor would start and end within a few hours, baby easily slipping into my arms in the birthing pool like all of those Christian hyno-birthing videos I consumed as frequently as magnesium for my constipation. At one point in my active labor I remember shrieking, “THOSE INSTAGRAM BIRTH VIDEOS ARE LIES!!!” 

I quickly was given a glimpse into my baby’s personality from the start. I called Morgann multiple nights before he was actually born: convinced I was in active labor and doing all the hypnobirthing breathing techniques, positional changes, etc. As the days passed and my labor would start and then stop, I became psychotically impatient. I drank three castor oil shakes, did acupuncture, and single-legged walked the curb in August and baby still wasn’t ready to come out. If I could go back, I wish I would have just ignored all of that early labor and lived my life pretending it wasn’t happening (like my midwife patiently told me).

At my lowest, I called Morgann that night before the baby’s birth and she came rushing over to hold me as I cried in impatience that our parents had taken my three children for their two-night sleepover for baby’s birth and my labor had stopped yet again. I was so anxious about not getting the childcare I needed for the birth. She held me and repeated her instructions, “Eat a nutritious dinner, have a glass of wine and go to bed.” My husband and I enjoyed our spontaneous date night at 6pm, I fell asleep by 8:30pm and my first active contraction that jolted me awake started at 1:30am.

I listened to my Christian Hynobirthing audio, did my positional changes and basically just tried to “breathe through the surges.” At 2:30am I smacked my husband awake and begged him to help me through them. Tanner quickly saw the difference between early and active labor signs and called Morgann. She walked through my front door around 3:50am and an immediate peace washed over me so much so that at 4am she said bluntly, “you are pushing!!!!” as she was prepping her tools and equipment around the birthing pool. 

We all thought he would shoot out and so eagerly awaiting his head in the birth pool I began to grow increasingly panicked when I didn’t sense his descent with any contraction. Even Morgann couldn’t predict it. After a while of not making progress in the tub, she let me know that some babies need the gravity of being out of the birth pool. I was tremendously disappointed but eager to meet my child, so the other two midwives who assisted in the birth helped me out of the tub and into several different positions. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t agonizing. 

I was beginning to grow more fatigued and so my midwives, with watchful eyes and intuition, gave me several doses of a salty medicinal liquid to give me more energy. I finally was advised to sit on the toilet, and immediately I felt a difference with the surges. Baby was at last coming down after two hours. I noticed that I had at least a seven minute break in between these contractions where pain subsided, and I could catch my breath. I could do this! 

I remarked, “it’s real spicy right now,” with the ring of fire of crowning and I felt stretched beyond capacity. Morgann verbally reassured me that my body was made to do this.  At 6:04am my baby finally was born. I remember yelling, “I’m going to drop it!!!” and Morgann caught baby through my exhausted fingers. She immediately gave him to me and sat me promptly back on the toilet. I remember repeating excessively “THANK YOU GOD. I’m so relieved!!! I can’t believe I just gave birth on the toilet.” The relief was absolutely like nothing I’ve ever experienced and as soon as baby was out, joy replaced the pain.

I held my precious baby for a while, Morgann rubbed my back and praised me. I remembered I didn’t know the gender and peeked in the towel casually when I felt ready and exclaimed “HE’S A BOY, TANNER!!!!” and we all marveled over his “unicorn head” which indeed showed he was born OP and “eyebrows first.” There was no chin tucked on that one as he came out…so yes. Ow. 

My favorite part of giving birth at home was the postpartum luxury these beautiful women gave me. I was brought to bed with baby in my arms, and though I needed some stitches, they made sure me and baby looked good before literally tucking us into bed together, placenta still in tact and wrapped in blankets beside us, and giving the three of us one magical hour to cuddle and process. They came back in to tend to me, then shower me, wash all of our bedding and clean the bathroom entirely, brew herbal tea, tuck freshly made postpartum pads for the freezer for me later and tuck us all back into bed together. Roman was measured and weighed when I wanted him to be, and we were left to nursing and snuggling. 

Roman is such a gift and there isn’t a day that I don’t thank God for bringing him safely into our family.